Thursday, July 31, 2014

Begin again

hello hello

Song of the life moment?
Definitely Begin Again by Rachel Platten
It has just really spoken to me and made me want to pour my heart out.
Here's Tammy unplugged. raw.

We've all made mistakes, we've all done things that we're not proud of.
We can be forgiven for our mistakes but we can't forget them.
Life doesn't provide you with a restart button, or a conveniently placed space bar button to fast forward to a better place.
We don't have the luxury of highlighting only the good in every chapter of our journey but we always have the choice to ignore the bad and keep reading moving on.

Over the course of being injured, ill; I've been forced to make decisions, face the cold hard truth right in the face, witness the ugly sides of people I love
It hurts, it really does. 
Sure, I can sugar coat this experience and say that it has given me some sort of epiphany but I can't say it has- over night
At least, nothing magical.

More accurately, it was more of a gradual understanding process that you don't necessarily feel from day to day; just like how recovery is rarely observed in minutes or hours.
The magic of time is that, when enough of it goes by and you start reflecting that you realize how far you've come from the beginning.

It has given me the chance to begin again for myself.
To re evaluate what's important to me.
Understanding and being alright with the fact that what you put out might never be appreciated or reciprocated but you should do it anyways.
I can't lie, I did naively and perhaps selfishly hope that my current mishap would justify and in some ways be enough to erase everything that I've regretted.
I understand now that there's some things you just can't share. Not in a maliciously selfish way but in a self respect common sense kind of way for yourself.
Don't get caught up in the glitz of other people's highlight moments, everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Put your heart and soul into everything you do, genuine passion will always be rewarded.
if money, status, anything superficial comes before that then stop, turn around and walk away because you've lost yourself and absolutely nothing is worth losing your most genuine passion for.

Friends, come and go.
Perhaps, you'll have people you can't ever fathom not knowing or no longer know but be alright when the time comes to let go.
You may punish yourself, be angry at them for how an ardent friendship can so quickly go dormant and cold but know that that doesn't change what you had; whether or not you two can find a way to revive that fiery friendship is another story.
The past you shared should never be tarnished, good memories will always stay golden.
People will judge you base on pictures, the things you say, the way you look but turn the other cheek.
Walk away from those that need an explanation and justifications from you, remember that you owe nothing.
Let them misunderstand. The ones that love you will work it out themselves to see the truth.

There's nothing worse than feeling alone.
So don't deliberately make anyone feel alone, better yet, go out of  your way to show your affections.
Be misunderstood for being clingy, let them have the satisfaction of thinking you're being overly affectionate, cause God knows, we need more people like you to genuinely brighten up each day.
Let it be enough for you that you know you're making one less person feel alone even if it doesn't necessarily reward you.
I'm better, just picking up the pieces and learning new life lessons as I go.

I need a wrecking ball
I want the sky to fall
God I feel so small tonight
I need a wrecking ball
I could crash and fall
could it break my walls
and make it right

can I begin again
can I begin again?
I need a tidal wave
come and wash away
All the mess I made
to make it right
I need to make it right

I need big move
I need a sharp knife
I need to cut these scars
right out of my life

I need a big move
I need a sharp knife
Need to be shaken up
I need a wrecking ball

feel paralysed 
like i'm Frozen in time
Just wanna close my eyes
Make it go away

When did everything fall apart
when did the nightmares start
why is it so hard
to find away to begin again
oh to begin again

But I need big move
I need a sharp knife
I need to cut these scars
right out of my life

I wanna a big move
I need a sharp knife
Need to be shaken up
I need a wrecking ball
I wanna a wrecking ball
Cause I'm a wreck
yeah cause I'm a wreck

I need a wrecking ball
Come and break my walls

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